Ruchira Darda
I was going to write this column selfishly about myself. How I was feeling. Overwhelmed and emotional, if I made you curious. But then I realized a couple of drafts later, it shouldn't be about me. This month has been a roller coaster of emotions, highlighted by tragedies and so many challenges. Mr K and I got into a debate a few days ago on how we could be there for our friends and family. We both had our own views, but am glad our hearts wanted to reach out to those who need us.
My views were that when someone is going through a grave situation, trying to overcome the pain of loss or battling with anxiety, our presence complete with compassion is all they need. Being there in support and helping them sail through one moment at a time, one day at a time. We all validated the age-old custom of grieving together for 13 days. The constant flow of well-wishers distracts, annoys, offers a shoulder to cry on, or simply some silent company to share the pain, but it doesn't allow you to be alone. Being alone in the face of loss is the hardest challenge. Our mind takes control and doesn't allow us to rise from there. Today, loneliness and the assumption that people need space, or can take control of themselves is what leaves them feeling more helpless. When did we tell ourselves that we had to always be able to take charge, be in control and care for ourselves. I want to grant my friends and family and myself the luxury to say I can't right now, and I need you, I need to shatter completely and I want you to pick me up and piece me back together. Healing is what happens from then on.
Then I will be there to make you laugh, Netflix the silliest movie with you, hold on to you when the wave of emotions tides over and I will be there to talk once again about the stupidest things or wise things whichever you need. And I hope you will be there doing all the above for me too.
Say this to your children, tell this to your partner, express it to your family and friends, to each person you care for. In today’s times, they need to know. We are living in times where we have to keep up appearances. Where a weak moment is looked down upon, but don't we all have those. And all a person in distress needs from you is your unconditional presence. Not a solution, not advice and definitely not a million questions. Just your companionship. The timing of it is everything. Promise me, as soon as you finish reading this sentence, you will make that call to a loved one and say, “Hey, I love you, hope you know I'm here, if you need anything.”