What’s love got to do with it?

Ruchira Darda

If my kids and I disagree on certain topics, they quickly turn around and ask, ‘do you still love me.’ “Of course, what’s love got to do with it?” I ask.

Recently, I have been having quite a few not so pleasant conversations with my older one. I have to reconfirm my continued affection toward him almost after each altercation. A few mornings ago, the school had just closed for summer, he popped into my room and yelled out of the blue. I got up with a startle and must have asked him to observe caution next time, for my heart jumped out of my body for a moment. He apologised and then immediately checked, ‘Ma, you still love me right.” This is when I realised it was happening too often.

Later that evening, I decided to have a conversation with him about the continuous doubt he has been having. I acknowledged for him why he was having these apprehensions, it was natural. My son is sprouting into a young man with a mind of his own, he is prepping to fly and will continuously defy his parents to check his boundaries and possibilities. I know that. Explaining that to him gave him some relief. Then I added the layer of ‘no matter what you say or do, it’s never going to change my love for you.’ I saw instant relief on his face.

Next day, I had a disagreement with my husband. I made a declaration and an announcement that he doesn’t love me and that I am sure of it. My wise son came up to me and reminded, ‘Mom, it's a difference of opinion, what’s love got to do with it?’

Sometimes, I almost hate my kids for being right.