"I had to comprehend what I had gone through and so do the people. Which is why I wrote the book. But after a while, people will resume talking about my acting and performance, instead of cancer," Manisha, 49, told life here.
Born in Nepal's capital Kathmandu, Manisha is the granddaughter of Nepal's 22nd Prime Minister Bishweshwar Prasad Koirala and made her Hindi film debut with the 1991 hit 'Saudagar'. She went on to have a successful career in Bollywood with big hits like 'Dil Se' and 'Bombay', until 2012, when she was diagnosed with ovarian cancer.
"Cancer diagnosis is a very lonely journey. I was facing death, but the grim outcome for my diagnosis for me, was death already," she said adding that she was suddenly forced to realise that her approach life till then had been "rose-tinted" and "ungrateful". In her book, she admits that her decadent lifestyle, replete with alcohol, was also responsible for her condition.
Manisha was a speaker at the two-day Himalayan Echoes: Kumaon Festival of Literature and Arts in Nainital on Sunday. In a session where she was in conversation with food historian Pushpesh Pant, the actress broke down recounting her painful journey out of cancer.
"I was faced with the question: Is that all to life? Is this it? And if this is it, what did I do with my 40 years?" she admitted with candour.
Sharing that she started introspecting upon her life and imagining herself as cancer-free per son, Manisha said she desperately wanted a second chance at life, and is almost a new person now.
Her motivation to write the book? Give a guiding light to people who might not have many success stories to get strength from. She said that the co-authored book drawing from the notes she had been keeping when she underwent treatment in the United States.
She also recounted how she took life one day at a time, and tried to be optimistic while faced with the grim disease. She has been cancer-free for over six years now, and spends considerable time spreading public awareness about the disease.
Since being cured, Manisha has appeared in films 'Dear Maya', 'Sanju', 'Prasthanam' and Netflix series 'Lust Stories', with a couple more films in the pipeline.
(Siddhi Jain is in Nainital on the invitation of the organisers of Himalayan Echoes 2019. She can be contacted at siddhi.j@.in)
( With inputs from IANS )