Many people are kind and supportive at work, as it is essential for getting the job done. It helps in building trust and creating a good & healthy work environment. But being too nice can have a negative effect. Social psychologist and NYU Professor, Tessa West, states that being over kind can make people question your sincerity and damage connections at the workplace. She explained the psychology behind this in an interview with CNBC Make It. She claimed that social discomfort is common during salary discussions and small talk. She said The majority of us cope with this discomfort by oversmiling, laughing uncontrollably, and making a concerted effort to reassure people that everything is alright.
She further pointed out that the more we try and cover our unease with over friendliness, it becomes more visible. She said the harder someone tries to appear nice to hide discomfort, the “more people can see right through us. She said humans are adept at detecting emotions, which manifest themselves in nonverbal cues such as voice intonation. When we put on the praises, we believe we're doing a fantastic job of hiding our anxiousness, but when they're given with fake grins, nobody believes us.
West said that the next big issue is that overly positive feedback becomes too generic for colleagues. Compliments or phrases like “Great Job!” are thrown around at people working in offices without real meaning. Excessively favourable feedback suggests that you are not paying attention, which you most likely aren't if you're too preoccupied with self-control. To enhance their work, they require certain information. Further, she shared some ideas on how we can fix this. She said we should question the niceness culture. Speaking during the interview, she said that people often give fake positive feedback because they think the person asking for it wants to hear only positive things. This is called “pluralistic ignorance." Under this situation, everyone acts a certain way, thinking others want it even if no one does.
She suggested having discussions on change to counter this. She suggested, for instance, asking participants, "How would you feel if we each wrote down three specific things that you could improve and three specific things that you should keep at the end of the presentation?" before the next presentation.
Second, West emphasised the significance of being "specific and detailed." Instead, aim for detailed, behavior-based feedback. The feedback will be more helpful if you can identify the problem more explicitly, she stated. The same is true with compliments; to make them seem more sincere, one should be explicit about what the recipient did well.
The additional advantage of eliminating broad generalisations from the equation is that it lessens the threat to the individual receiving the feedback, particularly if that feedback is critical, she stated.
West's final piece of advice was to start small, especially for people who aren't used to providing candid criticism.
Choose everyday topics that people are still interested in, such as what supplies to keep in the workplace kitchen. Nothing that would make people angry. "Building the feedback muscle is the aim," she stated.
According to West, it makes it simpler to be truthful later on when more significant problems arise.