Is your laundry list drying up your marriage?

Ruchira Darda

Every night, I sit next to Mr K as he scrolls through Netflix looking for something for us to watch together. We wish to spend some time together but before we know it, we are discussing school, children, family, work and everything else in between. Most nights we get tired and call it a night, on others one of us gets annoyed and calls it a night. Next morning, we bounce back into our routine as if nothing happened.

When we are with friends, we are surprised at the very same person finding a reason to laugh, or cracking a joke or simply having fun. The easiest assumption here is that my partner is not interested in me anymore. But is that even true?

For, I am certain neither of us can operate at any level without the other. We are like pieces of a puzzle. We just fit. He knows me, he gets me. I don't have to even say a word for him to know I need help. He is always supportive and definitely very annoying. I am certain no one in the world can pamper him like I do, I am his best cheerleader. I have stood by him through everything and continue to be the one that pushes him and motivates him. Then where is the problem? Why do we need others to make us laugh?

Here are my two bits about this. After years of being together, sharing the same responsibilities, living a similar routine, existing in the same room you hardly remain an object of desire. You are the one that cares for the kids, the one who runs the house and family, the organiser who manages the work but you are not the easy-going, fun-loving, simple-minded fun person. There is too much respect and no mystery. There is no curiosity, no wonder.

Outsiders bring variety, the break from the routine, the space to be free from worries and the mystery of the unknown that's so exciting. They don't see you picking your nose basically, they only see the very best version of you.

Hmmm… Then what do I need to do? Actually, we all need to keep a one hand distance from our partners. We need to understand if they need to know everything. We all need to compartmentalise our roles, when roles are fluid then you are constantly in each other's way. We need to chalk out a time to talk about the laundry list items separately. We need to be able to watch TV without discussing children and dig our noses in the bathroom. We need to learn about each other's love language and make an effort to speak it. We need to build mystery and leave room for questions. I just heard a cynic say ‘why should I?’ You should, if you want to keep the fire in your marriage alive. If you aren't interested, then well be my guest, you can fart in your partner's presence too.