The question is just how powerful is the kick of lame horses, and what do you do when wedding horses begin to fantasise that they are racehorses?
There’s an old saying: ‘Donkeys are feasting on gulab jamun..!’ Who came up with this gem of a saying? Why, when, and most importantly, why only gulab jamun for donkeys? How many gulab jamuns can a donkey eat at a time? Why don’t they go for other sweets? These are the kinds of questions that might flood your brain and to be honest, mine too. But finding answers is a tough business. So let’s drop the donkey discourse for now, and let’s talk about horses..!
The whole ‘donkeys feasting on gulab jamun’ thing popped into my head while reading a news item. In Bhopal, addressing Congress workers, Rahul Gandhi said the time has come to differentiate between racehorses, wedding procession horses and lame horses. According to him, there are three kinds of horses: the wedding kind, the racing kind and the lame kind. “We must ensure the wedding horses stay in wedding processions, the racehorses in races and the lame horses should be retired,” he said. “Lame horses should not become a problem for the rest. If they do, the party will take action.” Honestly speaking, I thoroughly enjoyed Rahul ji’s grand plan. At least someone has the guts to admit in public that there are some lame ones among the horses in the Congress stable!
Now suddenly, another saying comes to mind: “Can you afford to feud with a crocodile living in the pond?” Now, don’t read too much into this. It’s just my wandering brain. In plain speak, it means if you live in a pond full of crocodiles, how can you pick a fight with them? But here’s another way to look at it. Those whom Rahul ji has branded as lame horses, do they still have it in them to kick? And if they do, who’ll they kick? Could their ‘horse power’ possibly be greater than that of a racehorse? To speak in scientific terms, a healthy horse can deliver a kick with the force of about 2,000 pounds. It is enough to break bones, cause a heart attack and even kill. So the question is even if the lame horses can’t race anymore, can’t they still kick the racing ones? And if not a full kick, surely they can trip them? Trip! That reminds me of childhood races. Haven’t we all seen how the naughty kid, knowing he can’t win, would stick his foot out and trip the front-runner? Naturally, the fast kid would fall, and the naughty one would have a better shot at winning. Hasn’t this been happening in Congress of late? Haven’t the lame horses within the party been the ones to bring it to its knees? If only the racehorses had been respected, their needs understood and their abilities put to proper use, the question of Congress not winning races wouldn’t have cropped up at all. This is the very party that led India’s freedom movement and every one of its soldiers once stepped onto the battlefield with the zeal to win the race. But what’s the situation now? Just look at the various states, how many of them have tall Congress leaders anymore? And those few who are tall, haven’t they been tripped by the very lame horses within?
Let me be clear, I’m not talking about the wedding procession horses at the moment. I’m talking about the lame ones. Which naturally raises the question: When the lame horses in the stable begin to outnumber the rest and when they take over the entire stable, what should be done? Now look, I’m not offering Rahul ji any advice, but I do want to say: Your stable is bursting with lame horses. This is your test as to how you get rid of them. Otherwise, your racehorses might gallop away… to someone else’s turf! Sure, Rahul ji was right to say that lame horses shouldn’t become a problem for the racehorses and if they do, the party will take action. But why only issue warnings? If the lame horses have already been identified, why don’t you reprimand them and boot them out? What are you waiting for? The longer the delay, the more damage these limping nags will do to your race. But here I go again, slipping into advice mode..! Rahul ji is a smart leader. He must have something up his sleeve for the limpers. And let me tell you, the lame horses in Congress are cunning. They won’t give up easily.
And yes, how can we not talk about the wedding procession horses? Without them, this entire ‘Horse Purana’ would be incomplete! These are the horses who wear bells on their ankles and dance to the tune of their master. These are the ones who carry the groom to the bride’s doorstep. Without their festive prancing, a wedding simply feels incomplete! Mind you, they too have their moods and when they’re grumpy, they deliver a good kick too. But their kicks usually land on the bystanders, never on the master. They graze happily and keep dancing to their master’s tunes. These horses are generally favourites. But then... some horses, when the moment arises, start dancing in other people’s wedding processions. And the first master can only stand there and watch helplessly..! Still, Rahul ji did make a valid point: Wedding horses should stay in the wedding. But what can one do when some of these decorative wedding horses begin to fantasise that they are racehorses?
And finally, the question that echoes in every mind: Who has pulled the reins on the racehorses? Who’s feeding chickpeas to the lame ones? And at whose command are the wedding horses dancing..? Thus ends the ‘Horse Purana’!
The author is the chairman, Editorial Board of Lokmat Media and former member of Rajya Sabha.