Angry Little Birds: Why Toddlers Throw Tantrums and How to Handle Them

Dr Ketaki Ravanagave

Toddlers between one to three years are in a crucial developmental phase where they rapidly acquire gross motor skills like walking, running, and jumping, giving them newfound freedom to explore. At the same time, their fine motor skills, such as grasping small objects or using a spoon, are still developing, making some tasks frustrating for them. As they navigate this stage, they rely on their senses, pretend play, and interactions to understand their surroundings.

However, this is also the age when parents frequently say "no" to their exploring adventure to keep them safe. While this is necessary, it often leads to frustration, as toddlers crave independence and control. When they feel restricted or fail at a task, their immature brains struggle to regulate emotions, leading to tantrums. Additionally, unmet basic needs like hunger, thirst, sleep, tiredness, or illness can make them more irritable. Since their expressive language skills are still developing, they cannot effectively communicate their needs, which further increases their frustration.

Tantrums can also be a learned behaviour. Children observe how others around them manage emotions and may mimic their responses. Exposure to excessive screen time can also impact their emotional regulation, leading to increased aggression or restlessness.

Parents can help by setting clear boundaries while allowing safe independence. Encouraging gross motor activities like running or playing outdoors helps toddlers release energy, while fine motor tasks such as drawing or stacking blocks improve patience and focus. Emotional coaching—acknowledging their feelings, validating their emotions, and teaching them to express themselves—plays a crucial role in emotional development. Minimizing screen time, ensuring timely meals, and responding with patience can prevent unnecessary meltdowns.

With understanding, guidance, and positive reinforcement, toddlers can learn to manage their emotions, growing into confident and well-regulated individuals.

(The writer is Developmental Paediatrician,

Child adolescent counsellor, Director, Shri Ganesh Building Blocks Child Development Centre Baner, Pune).