Ruchira Darda
How has the week been? Did you have any realisations this week? Whether or not your child was overexposed? Are they showing signs of agitation when they are away from the screen? Do they prefer to play a video game over chatting in IRL (in real life, a lingo you should familiarise yourself with) with a friend? Have they been spending too much time holed up in their room?
Then you know we have a problem at hand that needs work. I am simplifying the solutions in a few easy steps, use the ideas that are most relevant to you. You can use two or more ideas in combination or try one at a time, the solution will differ according to the parent you are, your child and the intensity of their addiction.
Be the parent: You are the person in charge, so take charge. Remember, by being permissive or overindulgent, you are only causing your child permanent harm.
Be firm about rules: 30 minutes means 30 minutes. No extensions, no exceptions. Have absolute clarity about what works for you and what doesn’t. And why are you asking your child to alter their ways? When you put your foot down and establish discipline, children will rebel at first but also respect you for your clarity.
Offer what a video game offers: That’s stimulation. create engaging experiences that offer good amount of dopamine hit so as to keep the child excited.
I find nature as a very effective cure. Go on treks, go fishing, play outdoor sports. Physical activity is a must and the best way to move forward. Workouts, exercise and outdoor activities release endorphins which fill us with a happy feeling.
Create daily family rituals: Like eating together or chanting or playing a board game. It doesn’t need to be time consuming, it could be just 30 minutes a day, but you have to be consistent and respect it.
Challenge them with achievable targets: If you ask your child to score 90% marks when their potential is of 70%, you are setting them up for failure and disappointment. Instead, set the target at 72%, that’s achievable and motivating enough to try for. Setting achievable challenges and targets is key.
Celebrate small wins: Make it a habit to celebrate small wins. At our place, we have a chocolate party for simple, small achievements like if my kids worked hard for their exams or if someone won round 1 of an interhouse match in school. We celebrate everything. Bigger achievements have bigger rewards but almost all success and effort are celebrated.
Plan outings and playdates with their friends: Teens especially need their friends for their brain development and stimulation. If we restrict their outings too much, they achieve that through their phones and games. Instead, create opportunities for them to meet their friends and connect freely regularly.
Remember to not nag and criticise them: Too much criticism and nagging makes children want to hide behind their games. Be gentle, be patient, be empathetic, be kind. Listen to them and understand their viewpoint instead of just be annoyed at their mannerisms.
Use problem solving: Sit together, hear each other out and then come up with a solution that works for both of you.
Lastly, I highly recommend you take time out to understand your child’s biological stages and brain development and then begin to guide them with all that awareness.
You are the only person that can help and reset. Take time to prep yourself and speak with confidence and understanding. Honestly, take a step back into the times when we all had less. Less access, less distractions and we had more acceptance and more connection.
I wish you the best as you guide your child.