New Delhi [India], September 4 : Seasoned leg-spinner Amit Mishra, who bid adieu to a 25-year odyssey in professional cricket on Thursday, revealed that he struggled with depression after being sidelined for five years following his debut and wished he had made his comeback earlier.
Mishra burst into the international scene in 2003, when he made his ODI debut against South Africa at Dhaka during the TVS Cup. It was a modest outing for him, bowling a five-over spell, scything the solitary wicket of Neil McKenzie and returning with figures of 1/29.
Since introducing himself to the world, Mishra went missing in action for roughly half a decade. With the rise of Harbhajan Singh and Anil Kumble being at the peak of their prowess, the room was too cramped for Mishra to make a place for himself.
He eventually returned to the international circuit after Kumble was nursing an injury and enjoyed a dream start to his Test career. With a seven-wicket match haul in his maiden Test in 2008 against Australia in Mohali, he became just the sixth India to take a five-for on debut.
Mishra impressed with classical, attacking leg-spin and outfoxed Australian batting bigwigs Michael Clarke, Simon Katich, Shane Watson and others to take the first step towards emerging as India's first choice leg-spinner. Even though he doesn't rue the five years of absence, he still wishes that if his resurgence had come much earlier, he could have played more games for India.
"After my debut, there was a 5-year gap in my career. If it wasn't there, I could have played more matches. I made my debut in Bangladesh in a One-Day match in 2003. After that, there was a 5-year gap. I couldn't return to the Indian team in five years. I was performing and doing everything. But I can't say regret. I can say that if I had made my comeback earlier, 3-4 years ago or two years ago, then I could have played more matches and performed better. So, that's one thing. There is no regret," Mishra exclusively told ANI.
During his five years of exile, Mishra put in the hard yards for Haryana in the domestic league, trying to sway the selectors' minds. His sole ambition was to perform even when people around him didn't trust in his skill set. He found clarity after a soliloquy, which kept him going through the tough phase and eventually forced his return.
"Whenever I got a chance, I performed. Even though I played in such a big league, played in such big places, played all over the world, I proved myself there. I performed there when people didn't believe in me. After that, every team started to keep two left-spinners in their team. So, I am really happy with my career. Yes, there were ups and downs in my career," he added.
More than two decades after his debut, Mishra holds no regrets. Initially, he struggled with depression for more than a year, but found a way to keep himself motivated even when the hopes of his return remained bleak. His focus shifted towards enjoying the game and improving his weaker aspects, including fitness and batting.
"But I have no regrets. I gave my 100 per cent whenever I got a chance. And I always proved what I was told. I focused on performing. Although I was depressed for 1-1.5 years. I was angry. I was performing. At that time, it was a little limited. But I was a little worried. But after 1-2 years, I talked to myself. I said, I want to play cricket. I am playing cricket. And I am performing," he said.
"So, how can I enhance this? What else can I add to my cricket? How can I improve my small performance? So, I started to pay attention to those things. I started talking to myself. I asked myself what improvements I have made. So, a person who loves cricket should never be depressed. Now, you have more options. So, I started to pay attention to that. I started to enjoy cricket and I got motivated," he added.
Mishra finished with 68 appearances across all formats and scalped 156 wickets while donning the Indian jersey. He remained a vital cog for Haryana in India's domestic circuit and emerged as one of the top all-time wicket-takers in the IPL.
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