The Family Room Drama: Why did I make my son cook during his exams?

Ruchira Darda

As parents, we usually fret and stress about our children’s exams and tests. It’s almost like the entire family’s life revolves around the child’s study routine. Travel plans get cancelled, we watch TV on a low volume, tread slowly around the house, nothing should distract our blessed child’s concentration. God forbid if the child needs a break, we begin calculating the number of hours he will have to study after, Lord alone knows if there will ever be enough time. Not a lie, we are guilty of it too.

While we as parents go absolutely crazy, we also build this mindset in our children. Study, study and study, and if you are not doing just that, then you must be guilty of doing less.

I honestly saw my son being victim to this mindset. Four revisions are not enough mom, I need more. While I am not a parent that feels we need this kind of focus, the system is. The mindset penetrates into our veins from all directions. I could see him losing his mind in pursuit of a gold star (which is 90% and more in our school). This craziness had reached to the extent that he was being fed meals while he was still studying.

It was too much for me. One afternoon, I took him to the kitchen and suggested we make lunch. I could hear background suggestions, “let him study, he has exams,” but I chose to ignore them. We made a pot of dal and rice, we plated our food, carried it to the lawn with some ghee. As I generously poured some ghee in my son’s plate, he said, “Mum, I need to study, you feed me.” I could have, but I wanted my son to connect with his food. I urged him to eat the meal with his own hands. He relished his lunch then got up and said, “I think this is the first meal I have eaten this week.” His body had finally realized he had eaten.

This whole exercise left him feeling proud of the meal he had prepped and satisfied. I know he must have gone back to his books with refreshed energy.

We need to pause and evaluate at times, is quantity and continuous stress actually serving our kids? Or can we teach them to work effectively and strike a balance, to actually achieve better results and productivity?