Dr Ketaki Ravangave
The earliest relationship children form—with their mother, father, or caregiver—lays the groundwork for their emotional and social development. This deep emotional connection, known as attachment, is more than just physical care. It is about being constantly emotionally available and responsive to a child’s needs.
In today's world of both working parents, nuclear families, and fast-paced schedules, this bond is often unintentionally affected. Parents love their children, but in juggling jobs, commutes, and responsibilities, emotional connection sometimes takes a backseat.
Attachment patterns formed in early childhood influence how a child sees itself, handles emotions, and relates to others. A secure attachment develops when a caregiver is consistently loving, attentive, and comforting. For example, when a child cries, the caregiver responds with a soothing voice, a hug, and reassurance. Such children grow up feeling safe, valued, and confident in exploring the world.
In contrast, in avoidant attachment, caregivers may meet a child’s physical needs like feeding them, sending them to school, giving financial support but may be emotionally distant or preoccupied. The child learns that expressing feelings is not welcome and may stop seeking comfort. These children often appear ‘independent’ but may struggle with emotional closeness and self-expression later.
Ambivalent or anxious attachment arises from inconsistent caregiving; sometimes affectionate, sometimes withdrawn. The child becomes unsure of what to expect and clings anxiously, fearing abandonment. Such children often become overly dependent and have difficulty regulating emotions.
A more concerning pattern is disorganized attachment, often seen in children exposed to trauma, neglect, or fearful environments. Their caregiver may be a source of both comfort and fear. These children show confused behaviours and are more vulnerable to emotional and behavioural issues.
Today’s parenting style—though full of love—is often marked by limited time and increased screen exposure. This impacts the quality of interactions. A child doesn’t need hours of attention but does need moments of emotional presence. Looking into eyes of children while talking, responding to their small joys and fears, or simply sitting beside them without distraction—these small acts create secure attachment.
As parents, we don’t need to be perfect, but we need to be emotionally present. Strong secure attachment is not built in grand gestures, but in consistent, everyday love.
(The writer is Consultant Developmental Paediatrician, Child and Adolescent Counsellor, Pune).