Dr Mangala Borkar
Seema’s only son had settled abroad since 12 years. She and her husband Ramji visited them twice, but could not adjust to the environment. When Ramji passed away two years back, she decided to rent out her house and opted to move to a senior citizens’ society.
Jasbeer has 3 daughters, all well-settled, but after her husband’s demise, she could not bring herself to live permanently with them. She tried to live alone in her house, but panicked after a robbery in which she suffered injuries. She sold the house and chose to purchase a flat in a senior citizens’ colony.
When we hear the term ‘old age home’, it fills us with abhorrence for the children, pity for the inmates and we immediately become judgemental.
But not all those who reside there are abandoned by their kids. There are some who do not have any, there are many whose children live abroad or in a far-away place. There are of course, adjustment problems, often on both sides. After the loss of a spouse, the survivor may feel lonely and stifled in a nuclear home where both the son and the daughter-in-law are working, holidaying or just, too busy to have any time for the elder. So, mutually they may agree to separate, without too much bitterness. Illnesses like dementia may be just too difficult to cope with at home. It is difficult to get reliable help round-the-clock and often, it is not affordable.
We have more than 13 crores seniors in our country, who are 60 and above. In another 30 years, we anticipate that there will be 30 crore senior citizens in India, of whom a good number will be above 75. With increase in age, come more illnesses and dependence on others.
Elder care (old-age) homes - however we may look down on them - are needed. Many of the elders are better looked after and happier there. And for many, there is no choice.
Then there are nursing homes, which offer temporary or permanent residential facilities including medical care. But they are too few compared to the need.
In recent years, societies for seniors are rapidly coming up. They provide special facilities, safety, company of peers and are becoming more and more popular for those who can afford.
My friend Arati Vaidya lives happily in one such studio apartment in Pune - a hall-cum-kitchen and a bedroom with a spacious bathroom that even a wheel chair can enter.
The inmate may cook or order from the canteen on the premises. There are two buildings with 300 small flats - all occupied. A huge garden where the inmates can walk or relax, in-house staff. One can hire a maid for whatever work you want. There are guest rooms that one can rent if family or friends come to stay, parking space. Above all, it is the excellent service by the staff, the facility for hospitalisation if needed-which really counts.
Most of the residents have purchased their flats, few live in rented ones. Arati is specially happy with the excellent library there. They have all kinds of activities like dance, music, yoga, apart from satsang and bhajan. Socialising is healthy and keeps everyone busy.
A few residents have even got married!
The safety, camaraderie, assistance from the staff makes the whole package very valuable. Of course, one should have sufficient money.
The outlook of the society towards senior homes is changing. It is important not to look at them negatively or stigmatise. Of course, do not abandon or dump your elders, but should it be inevitable, it is better to accept these places as homes away from home.
(The writer is Professor of Geriatrics,
GMC Aurangabad).